Alison

mem or ry

Mon, 16 Mar 2009 21:49:13 GMT

last year a friend of mine from my course killed himself, i don't know it was how it happened but i think so. The english department at my university have sent an email out to people attached to the department, and they say they have set up a yearly Cosmo Davenport-Heines poetry prize,, that's his name. writing about memory as cross boards as light reflecting objects on paper with crayons and coloured glitter pens made from the reflections of bears. i never understood physics as much as i think i'd like to. my mud memory takes me home to an old wheelbarrow. i'm going to write something, anyway, because i think that feeling lost in despair is what did it.

i'm reading much and seperating myself from interactions at the moment. i mostly want some fairy lights, either curtain or pretty, sparkly ones. also a printer and some cartridges so i can read essays on paper, they also sound better like that. i've pretty much been listening to nina simone on repeat recently, i live with someone called lucy who is nice, we live next door in our bedrooms, i like that. my work is going well with sapna, understanding her is so imperfect for me, in the best way, i hate that i am made here, now. , i know what i am passionate about now, i just need how to learn to put myself into words and speak.

Mon, 20 Oct 2008 19:47:06 GMT

So, my final year of university is in full swing, i have a very small cat, she is so great and sleeping on my feet like a ball. My work is going well, i get to attend two classes for PhD film studies a week.- pretty excited but not really too sure what i'm meant to be doing/ i definately should be prioritising my actual degree at the minute.

I have also gone out and bought myself some boots, i've wanted some for ages but am terrified of shoe shops. but last week my shoes fell apart so i decided to brave it, they are nice, they have a heel which means that i might stop walking flat footed, they are waterproof and i can wear them horse riding when i go to visit my sister in exeter which is nothing but good news.

I am booked for Christmas ATP and me and Harry are going to visit Clem in Portugal in reading week which will be so great. nice happy times to look forward to and i am real happy

hell knows

Tue, 09 Sep 2008 10:07:07 GMT

i keep saying god instead of good. read from that what you will. i was stalking this girl on facebook who i don't see anymore who used to live around the corner from me and we used to go rollerblading around the place together and once we set some of her guinea pigs free on the green. but now unfortunately i fear she has broken up with her girlfriend and every so often i check her facebook to check she's okay but obviously facebook isn't going to tell me anything, is it. that would involve being involved in the real world alison, wouldn't it. anyway, due to my over excessive nosey brain cells i found out 'their song' was machines by biffy clyro. i would be the most depressed person in the world if i associated songs to real situations.

harry has gone to pick up a cat from stepney green which is going to be the new resident of the house i live in. I am so excited! It is the smallest little cat i have ever seen

Sun, 07 Sep 2008 22:21:30 GMT

i've moved bedrooms from the garden side to the front and i can hear everything thats happening outside because i mainly stay up late when i'm at home and our windows are really old and rickety and never shut properly so the sound travels. obviously the downside is that it's always cold and i especially notice it now when there is no one else home because i find that the most distracting. i'm so happy it's really comforting even when i'm really sad and worried, mainly.

i am working as a support worker for a lady who makes documentaries and has cerebral palsy and it's the best job i've ever had, i really enjoy it

i used to really enjoy livejournal and writing and diaries and now i don't and it's not the same which is odd most probably because it's really bleak and white. i went to the rhythm factory last night for the first time and i'm pretty sure i enjoyed myself with the dancing and i vaguely remember sharing crisps with the lady who worked at the bar and talking to people about sad things with cigarettes outside then going inside and dancing again and it was one of those moments when sad things seem like they can never really be that sad and the fact that i can link the talking together with cigarette smoke means that maybe forcing people outside of clubs is a good idea because it means that at least for a while everything can not be so loud and you can remember that people make noises too.

i'm also working for a social research company, mainly because they pay one hundred pounds a day to walk around some streets asking people questions. This time i'm working in west ham which is nice because i can walk to my nan's flat and have jacket potato and tea.

lol

Sat, 16 Aug 2008 01:23:34 GMT

88888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888*******************!

complexes/i-issues aside

Sat, 19 Apr 2008 16:57:58 GMT

I have only ever deleted one person from any kind of social networking site, and that was only because i was too embarassed to remain their friend. I have been spending too much time on the internet since, well, since i can remember and i would really like it if my internet concentration of friends existed within a precise happy bubble through which i can live out my social life whilst maintaining a career as a dog walker and sweet maker in Iran where i will also save the world. I have only ever fallen out with one person before, isn't that great? (thanks) and that is only because i was a lazy and disinterested 15 year old who refused to watch some disabled people play tennis. I don't know why i should have to justify myself for that really, although obviously i'm sure her reasoning was probably the amalgimation of my disregard for constant social contact and my loner-ish computer game tendancies. Mainly though i would like to be friends with the whole world. God, Brigitte Bardot is a racist bigot, blahblahblah nazisnazisnazis, since when was this new information? She is clearly the face of 1960s France's white superiority complex and we should all burn her to death on a pole. i am liking heather mills more and more every day though, so i probably hate myself too.

Thu, 03 Apr 2008 01:30:48 GMT

rooshky mooshky, one of my gerbils died two weeks ago and jeff; the other one, bit half its arm off and now i think that death is a lot easier to deal with. i am listening to music and doing pointless things on my computer like send off my CV to jobs i don't think i'll ever get. i am also fooling myself into debt beyond my wildest dreams. everything is splendid though, even though my ticket to dashboard fell through at the last minute. i watched funny games for lolz instead and it was pretty awful for the emotions but great for the angsty brain. i watched faster pussy cat kill kill last night which i've been meaning to watch for a while, a bit like soft porn but i'm sure it had its reasons.

now i seem to be denying myself sleep after spending almost the entire day playing world of war craft

Thu, 13 Mar 2008 00:56:56 GMT

YOU'RE SIXTY YEARS OWLDOLDOLDOLDOLDOLDOLDOLDOLDOLDOLDOLDOLDOLDOLDOLDOLD.

It's just the way the city smells

Tue, 11 Mar 2008 12:25:26 GMT

gales? who thought that shit up? am currently very cold and still haven't managed to leave the house, which is getting me quite twitchy. totally fine though as it's warmer here and i have lots of things and people to play with. everything has got colder in the last couple of months and i totally don't mean that in a 14 year old alison kind of way, even though hundred reasons is my most played on last.fm this week. i weigh 58 kilos now so the blubber i've put on in the last couple of months should be keeping me warm but oh no, it's not.

i got myself a passport the other day which is great, even if i can't afford to use it. Next week is my last week at university and then i'm going to have to get a job. boo.

wine order

Mon, 10 Mar 2008 14:45:10 GMT

my weekdays generally seem to consist of not going to university, playing world of war craft and music. The highlight being Thursday night where i watch grand designs and then gordon's kitchen nightmares.This isn't normal for a 20 year old. ay. I need to get out with my life, i am in a comfortable rut, probably. Tonight i am taking my mum and my sister to see the King's symphony orchestra where i will inevitably be a little pissed and make out that my life is very eventful and progressive. can your life even be progressive? oh of course it can. hm, i went to maximum black festival, which was great. Steven O'maley is a bit too doom drone for myself to ever be able to say i enjoyed it, but what can you do. Alexander Tucker should've played his solo stuff, ah well, you either like it or you don't i guess. blada bldadala blah.

Mon, 18 Feb 2008 12:01:32 GMT

oh hiya livejournal. on mondays i come in to university at 9 o clock to watch films. i am taking my one hour break to drink orange juice, read about wanky french films and sort out my life [read: make an unnecessary livejournal post]. In two weeks i am meant to be handing in an application to go to America for next year. oof. i'm not too sure about it all, y'know. I mean, i can't even keep myself interested enough in the course i'm doing here, so what good is dragging another year out of it? Although obviously America would be pretty good on most levels. I will be 21 and louis has found us a cadillac to drive around the place in.

All things considered things are pretty good at the moment. Am prone to bursts of horrible paranoia which i seem to insist on telling everyone about so that they don't think i am insane. which is getting long. I kind of wish i could go home for a week or so just to calm down a little bit, but i'm sure it's all just hormonal so lets just forget about that.

I have two essays in this week. One on Brigitte Bardot and one on chinese cinema. I probably couldn't of picked a more wanky course, of course that doesn't matter because i am learning lots of new things i can inevitably pass on to small child so i won't complain.

Living in Bow is very nice. It's good everyone in the house gets on so well, i'll miss it all next year, i'm sure. Last week i had a reading week where i did nothing much but watch films. Went to the ICA to see this necessary but awful film which was probably about how shit everything is. to make a change. Saw some cows get electrocuted and all that kind of shit. easssaa. I also saw juno, which was pretty boring. Koyaanisquatsi was obviously very great and the beat that my heart skipped was good too. boring.

i'm writing some reviews for some shit music which is obviously awful but fine at the same time. lots of gigs coming up next week, thank god. i haven't seen becky in time and that is our thing to do, so it's all great.

I have a lecture on Godard in ten minutes. I hate Godard. Probably for the same reason i hate led zepplin. y'know? of course not, but whatever.

REALLY

Sun, 07 Oct 2007 22:34:01 GMT

God Speed, You.!, Really.

Fri, 07 Sep 2007 15:23:10 GMT

BORED

theres no invincible disguise that lasts all day

Fri, 17 Aug 2007 11:07:32 GMT

I'm older now.

Sat, 23 Jun 2007 22:36:21 GMT

So i've moved out of finchely road and into the new house. Technically we're not paying rent yet (the downside being that the house is falling apart too much to go too insane on it's ass) and the plus side is that we already have keys. I've come home for the night, just because... well.... to be honest, it's where all my computer games are. And tomorrow i'm going to Bow to try and get a job in a bar somewhere so that i can do this internship thing and still pay rent. Today i finally got around to sending off my student loan form and applied for another overdraft and a credit card with HSBC. Obviously i'm far too late with both of those things but never mind.

On Monday i'm going to my sister's graduation in Durham with my nan and my mum until Wednesday and from then on it's work, looking for paid work and squatting in Bow. but right now, i'm going to play Brokensword (the shadow of the templars), just to remind myself how cool i am.

wasted state of mind

Thu, 14 Jun 2007 11:28:44 GMT

So i've got an internship with this ( http://www.nile-on.com/ )company as a Music PR Assistant. VERY exciting, but we'll see. I'm moving into a new house in Bow on the 1st July aswell. Back to the roots, etc. (House party going down for one and all). Turning 20 soon... pah! Considering deleting all of my myspace/facebook/last.fm/flickr/life, but no, obviously.

running, returning

Wed, 23 May 2007 20:47:42 GMT

I went to ATP. It was the best thing i have been to in all my life.

Highlights: Patti Smith , falling asleep on the beach, Akron/Family, being re-united with freaks and geeks and walking into an Irish Themed pub in the middle of butlins only to hear Godspeed you! being played.

Lowlights: Architecture in Helsinki, but whatever, really.

Things are as good as ever with Harry and i am two clicks of a mouse away from getting another student overdraft with HSBC. This summer is going to be super cool and paid for by a bank. A-C-E!

i'm dying on the inside

Fri, 11 May 2007 20:18:32 GMT

I'm going to ATP! i woke up this morning and put it all on my card, which is most probably the worst plan i've ever had (i owe far much more money than i've ever had myself), but really, what else was i supposed to do. Fantastically it is me owen and becky going, weirdly, matty asked for the last ticket but it should be pretty jokes. Obviously on top of that i don't have a job anymore, i ran away from wetherspoons and all their disgusting men.

I got some photos developed today from the beginning of university. Proper jokes, i think we've all aged about ten years.

I came home last night, it was my nan's birthday and me and my mum took her to Joe Allens. Drank a bit too much wine and came home, watched a double bill of Peter Andre and Jordan's reality TV programme, met matt for an hour in the park with my dog, smoked some pot and talked; which was lovely, and came home to bed. Today i took my nan shopping and bought a printer and some earrings. i really need to stop spending money i don't have!

Tonight i am about to go to gen's house to smoke fags and watch CSI. AND becky just emailed me the new life without buildings live album, on top of that!... theres a plan being formed to get a collective of old faces up at max, laurence and claire's in glasgow for a week in june. And despite the intense paranoia i feel about my life right now, i'm quite sure that this is making me very, very happy.

i need your love, so fuck you all

Wed, 02 May 2007 17:37:47 GMT

I've been listening to 'come undone' by robbie williams far too much recently to deserve any respect as a human being. Other than that i spent last night laying around on Hampstead Heath with a chinese take away, some deer, weird birds in cages and somebody that i love very much. disgusting, Whatever! Despite the conspicuous-looking, lone rambling men it is the most isolated area i've seen in all of London... very much appreciated! Have been bitten by some kind of devil-ant thing on my arm, however... not very much appreciated.
In other news, i went to Give It A Name festival (yeah thats right), i saw Mindless Self Indulgence, the used, fightstar, alexisonfire and kill hannah! very fun. was sniffing poppers in the mosh pit for mindless self indulgence which was probably the best idea i've had in the last couple of days. Also saw the Blow at the luminare on monday she danced alone onstage for an hour and a bit, sang a couple of songs and talked a lot. a bit boring overall if i'm honest, but y'know, thats fine, her songs are nice. She was playing instead of les georges leningrad at durr straight after too. les georges leningrad have split up, or so i hear, which is a shame; I really wanted to see them again.

I'm procrastinating again and making playlists to get high to, living in desperate excitement at the thought of how high it is possible for one person to get after a week of detoxing. (there is probably something wrong with that). This month i still live in hope that someone, somewhere will buy me and becky tickets for ATP vs the fans, but i think the likely hood of that is looking increasingly slim. Going to see blonde redhead soon though, which will obviously be great.

i saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness

Tue, 24 Apr 2007 11:21:31 GMT

All they ever really do is spoon, it's pretty cute.

I have four essays to write for next monday (which are most probably going to kill me) and then after that all thats left is summer.

WELCOME TO AMERICANA

Fri, 06 Apr 2007 13:34:38 GMT

I forgot how much fun the summer time is! If anyone is around this afternoon, come to Hampstead Heath- theres a funfair which ultimatly means beer, burgers, spliffs and lots and lots of alcohol and dangerous rides.

PS: Americana, The Offspring is clearly the best album evr made.

leave me paralysed

Tue, 27 Mar 2007 13:03:51 GMT

http://www.guardian.co.uk/drugs/Story/0,,2040886,00.html . ha fucking, ha, anyone? AND that was just a week after the Independant on Sunday released a front page editorial claiming that after 10 years of supporting the re-classification of weed to a class C drug, they have since decided it shouldn't be.

http://www.yousendit.com/transfer.php?action=download&ufid=76BFB65468EFAEE2 A song.
http://www.yousendit.com/transfer.php?action=download&ufid=A6A76B325A3FC74C another
http://www.yousendit.com/transfer.php?action=download&ufid=AB85C96456D787CC and another
http://www.yousendit.com/transfer.php?action=download&ufid=044CBF1B0EC458FA another
http://www.yousendit.com/transfer.php?action=download&ufid=A5C6F5D530473034 last one.

I'm still at Hampstead, my money situation has gone way past the line of being ignorable. Debt collectors went to my mum's house yesterday and they're apparantly about to send a warrant for my arrest unless i pay my court fees. When you think about it this is all pretty lolz because i can't even remember what i had a court appearance for, other than it being connected somehow with London transport. I'm sure it was something horrific like smoking weed/ abusing a ticket inspector and not paying a 80p fare, which has since escalated into a four hundred and something fine and court appearance. What in heavens name is wrong with the world?!

My mums just been made redundant, which is another exciting tick in the box of life. Meaning we now officially have no income in my family - not really sure what the crack is with that. yada yada yada, blahblahblah.

I've now finished university and am working part time in wetherspoons on finchely road. It comes close to being as horrific as working in a factory warehouse, but only just. The men in there are so repulsive, they shouldn't be allowed to exist in life. Talking of men, it's 6 months on Sunday. Very happy, very nice, very good etc. :).

Ever since my dad got cancer, my nans taken to being more of a hypochondriac than she ever was before. Clearly normally i wouldn't mind, you know, i lived south of the river, she lived in the east end... but now i live one tube ride away i am being subjected to some kind of initiation ceremony into this twisted world of unnecessary blood tests and weekly check ups. And there is absolutly no way of getting out of this little shitter, really, is there- "no nan, i don't want to check that i don't have a fatal illness, i'd rather be in the pub or smoking some pot", theres absolutly no way.

I've been on a kind of detox for the last two weeks. Haven't been smoking a lot of pot, haven't touched pills. Few poppers, coke, and some spliff. Very impressed with myself but the main reason for my abstinance is because i'm being sent to a councillor on Thursday and i don't want him to put me under review for anything. I wouldn't mind some kind of valium etc though- would go down a treat. but i promised my mum i wouldn't go on medication, so you know. i think they're testing for schizophrenia/ bi-polar, something along those lines. TBH i think it's entirely ridiculous.

What else is there? I went to see Arcade Fire at Brixton- was absolutly fucking amazing. AND i got in the same tube on the way back as the ginger fluffy haired man from AF! fucking cool, i know. Clearly i sat there in complete silence smiling at him like a maniac, but you know, whats a girl to do.

I'm in the slow process of putting together a magazine with some friends. Imagine simone debeauvoir style feminism combined with heat magazine's user friendly/ easy reading and music reviews on a par (in terms of diversity) with becky stavrinou's playlist on audioscrobbler. Should be jokes and packed with culture, if nothing else.

My loan comes through on April 23rd, meaning i can pay back Mr Gonzo the big, scary debt collector man, get unsuspended from college and give them the £500 i owe them AND, most importantly buy myself and two others tickets to ATP. A festival where every single band, i would pay to see, and pay well. agaaahahagah. fuck everyone who can actually afford things in life, seriously, I HATE YOU.(sic)

on that note, i'm bored now and am going to go to hampstead heath to fly kites and hopefully eat ice cream. And to all you people i haven't seen in a while, i miss you.xx

it won't be necessary now

Fri, 02 Mar 2007 14:03:10 GMT

I just made a cake in a frying pan, then covered it in nutella, raisens and squirty cream.

1. Where is your cell phone?
next to the bed

3. Your hair?
what does that even mean?

4. your mother?
floating somewhere around monument

5. Your father?
who knows

6. Your favorite Item?
my laptop

7. Your dream last nite?
i think i always have really horrible dreams. i don't remember what any of them are though

8. Your favorite drink?
still fanta from macdonalds

9. Your dream car/bike?
i don't actually care

12. Your fears?
shark attacks, the unknown, being cold, being alone, death, life.

13. What do you want to be in 10 years?
rich with a family

14. Who did you hang out with last night?
harry, ben and clem aswell for a while.

15. What you're not good at?
waking up

16. Muffins?
after that fried cake, i don't think i'm ever eating again.

17. One of your wish list items?
any form of computer game, RIGHT NOW.

18. Where you grew up?
Swanley

19. The last thing you did?
downloaded the new good charlotte album. ahahhaa

20. What are you wearing?
harry's jumper

21. what aren't you wearing?
a lot of things

22. Your pet?
dog, gerbs. (L)(L)(L)(L)(L)(L)(L)

23. Your computer?
at first glance it may look like an off the back of a lorry discouted packard bell, but to me, it is everything.

25. Your mood?
very good, i'm going to see the history boys tonight and then most probably popstars after with a big bunch of gays, which should be fun.

26. Missing?
a lot

27. What are you thinking about right now?
problems

28. Your car?
no

29. Your work?
Wetherspoons on Finchely Road. My working history is such a joke.

30. Your summer?
Absolutely anywhere i can afford

32. Your favorite color?
whatever

33. When is the last time you laughed?
At harry's attempt to flip the cake in the frying pan

Tue, 20 Feb 2007 10:03:38 GMT

but none of that matters anymore because ELECTRELANE ARE SUPPORTING THE ARCADE FIRE.

my life is great, i am a Moaning Mertle and need to read more Harry P.

walk backwards through this

Tue, 20 Feb 2007 09:46:17 GMT

tonight i'm going to see, ...and you will know us by the trail of dead in the hope that they'll play tracks only off of their first two albums. My life could not possibly get any more emo if i tried, i've been skiving university for the past four months and i have three, three thousand word essays to do by monday, and literally not enough time to do them in unless i don't do things i promsied people i'd do. That on top of having not paid all of my accomodation fees, i have a £295 debt i have to pay to stap bailiffs coming around my house, combined with a ridiculously pathetic amount of money to live on for the next few weeks. everyone in my family seems to be literally dying slowly from some kind of terminal illness and i seem to have lost the ability to do anything productive with my life, along with any sense of reality i might have had and i totally don't understand how to socially interact with new people . I want to see everything all the time and i'm so bored sitting inside and rotting. On the up- side, i've got an interview with weatherspoons on finchely road.

tonight matthew, make me a star fighter pilot.