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Alison

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3/16/09 09:05 pm - mem or ry

last year a friend of mine from my course killed himself, i don't know it was how it happened but i think so. The english department at my university have sent an email out to people attached to the department, and they say they have set up a yearly Cosmo Davenport-Heines poetry prize,, that's his name. writing about memory as cross boards as light reflecting objects on paper with crayons and coloured glitter pens made from the reflections of bears. i never understood physics as much as i think i'd like to. my mud memory takes me home to an old wheelbarrow. i'm going to write something, anyway, because i think that feeling lost in despair is what did it.

i'm reading much and seperating myself from interactions at the moment. i mostly want some fairy lights, either curtain or pretty, sparkly ones. also a printer and some cartridges so i can read essays on paper, they also sound better like that. i've pretty much been listening to nina simone on repeat recently, i live with someone called lucy who is nice, we live next door in our bedrooms, i like that. my work is going well with sapna, understanding her is so imperfect for me, in the best way, i hate that i am made here, now. , i know what i am passionate about now, i just need how to learn to put myself into words and speak.
Current Music: ninanina
Current Mood: awake

10/20/08 08:32 pm

So, my final year of university is in full swing, i have a very small cat, she is so great and sleeping on my feet like a ball. My work is going well, i get to attend two classes for PhD film studies a week.- pretty excited but not really too sure what i'm meant to be doing/ i definately should be prioritising my actual degree at the minute.

I have also gone out and bought myself some boots, i've wanted some for ages but am terrified of shoe shops. but last week my shoes fell apart so i decided to brave it, they are nice, they have a heel which means that i might stop walking flat footed, they are waterproof and i can wear them horse riding when i go to visit my sister in exeter which is nothing but good news.

I am booked for Christmas ATP and me and Harry are going to visit Clem in Portugal in reading week which will be so great. nice happy times to look forward to and i am real happy

9/9/08 10:49 am - hell knows

i keep saying god instead of good. read from that what you will. i was stalking this girl on facebook who i don't see anymore who used to live around the corner from me and we used to go rollerblading around the place together and once we set some of her guinea pigs free on the green. but now unfortunately i fear she has broken up with her girlfriend and every so often i check her facebook to check she's okay but obviously facebook isn't going to tell me anything, is it. that would involve being involved in the real world alison, wouldn't it. anyway, due to my over excessive nosey brain cells i found out 'their song' was machines by biffy clyro.  i would be the most depressed person in the world if i associated songs to real situations.

harry has gone to pick up a cat from stepney green which is going to be the new resident of the house i live in. I am so excited! It is the smallest little cat i have ever seen
Current Location: e3
Current Music: broadcast

9/7/08 10:45 pm

i've moved bedrooms from the garden side to the front and i can hear everything thats happening outside because i mainly stay up late when i'm at home and our windows are really old and rickety and never shut properly so the sound travels. obviously the downside is that it's always cold and i especially notice it now when there is no one else home because i find that the most distracting. i'm so happy it's really comforting even when i'm really sad and worried, mainly.

i am working as a support worker for a lady who makes documentaries and has cerebral palsy and it's the best job i've ever had, i really enjoy it

i used to really enjoy livejournal and writing and diaries and now i don't and it's not the same which is odd most probably because it's really bleak and white. i went to the rhythm factory last night for the first time and i'm pretty sure i enjoyed myself with the dancing and i vaguely remember sharing crisps with the lady who worked at the bar and talking to people about sad things with cigarettes outside then going inside and dancing again and it was one of those moments when sad things seem like they can never really be that sad and the fact that i can link the talking together with cigarette smoke means that maybe forcing people outside of clubs is a good idea because it means that at least for a while everything can not be so loud and you can remember that people make noises too.

i'm also working for a social research company, mainly because they pay one hundred pounds a day to walk around some streets asking people questions. This time i'm working in west ham which is nice because i can walk to my nan's flat and have jacket potato and tea.
Current Location: bow
Current Music: jansi

8/16/08 02:13 am - lol

88888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888*******************!

4/19/08 05:34 pm - complexes/i-issues aside

I have only ever  deleted one person from any kind of social networking site, and that was only because i was too embarassed to remain their friend. I have been spending too much time on the internet since, well, since i can remember and i would really like it if my internet concentration of friends existed within a precise happy bubble through which i can live out my social life whilst maintaining a career as a dog walker and sweet maker in Iran where i will also save the world. I have only ever fallen out with one person before, isn't that great? (thanks) and that is only because i was a lazy and disinterested 15 year old who refused to watch some disabled people play tennis. I don't know why i should have to justify myself for that really, although obviously i'm sure her reasoning was probably the amalgimation of my disregard for constant social contact and my loner-ish computer game tendancies. Mainly though i would like to be friends with the whole world. God, Brigitte Bardot is a racist bigot, blahblahblah nazisnazisnazis, since when was this new information? She is clearly the face of 1960s France's white superiority complex and we should all burn her to death on a pole. i am liking heather mills more and more every day though, so i probably hate myself too.
Current Music: library hum
Current Mood: melancholy

4/3/08 01:36 am

rooshky mooshky, one of my gerbils died two weeks ago and jeff; the other one, bit half its arm off and now i think that death is a lot easier to deal with. i am listening to music and doing pointless things on my computer like send off my CV to jobs i don't think i'll ever get. i am also fooling myself into debt beyond my wildest dreams. everything is splendid though, even though my ticket to dashboard fell through at the last minute. i watched funny games for lolz instead and it was pretty awful for the emotions but great for the angsty brain. i watched faster pussy cat kill kill last night which i've been meaning to watch for a while, a bit like soft porn but i'm sure it had its reasons.

now i seem to be denying myself sleep after spending almost the entire day playing world of war craft

3/13/08 12:40 am

YOU'RE SIXTY YEARS OWLDOLDOLDOLDOLDOLDOLDOLDOLDOLDOLDOLDOLDOLDOLDOLDOLD.

Current Music: the paper chase

3/11/08 12:11 pm - It's just the way the city smells

gales? who thought that shit up? am currently very cold and still haven't managed to leave the house, which is getting me quite twitchy. totally fine though as it's warmer here and i have lots of things and people to play with. everything has got colder in the last couple of months and i totally don't mean that in a 14 year old alison kind of way, even though hundred reasons is my most played on last.fm this week. i weigh 58 kilos now so the blubber i've put on in the last couple of months should be keeping me warm but oh no, it's not.

i got myself a passport the other day which is great, even if i can't afford to use it. Next week is my last week at university and then i'm going to have to get a job. boo.

Current Music: MGMT

3/10/08 02:28 pm - wine order

my weekdays generally seem to consist of not going to university, playing world of war craft and music. The highlight being Thursday night where i watch grand designs and then gordon's kitchen nightmares.This isn't normal for a 20 year old. ay. I need to get out with my life, i am in a comfortable rut, probably. Tonight i am taking my mum and my sister to see the King's symphony orchestra where i will inevitably be a little pissed and make out that my life is very eventful and progressive. can your life even be progressive? oh of course it can. hm, i went to maximum black festival, which was great. Steven O'maley is a bit too doom drone for myself to ever be able to say i enjoyed it, but what can you do. Alexander Tucker should've played his solo stuff, ah well, you either like it or you don't i guess. blada bldadala blah.

Current Music: heavens to betsy

2/18/08 11:37 am

oh hiya livejournal. on mondays i come in to university at 9 o clock to watch films. i am taking my one hour break to drink orange juice, read about wanky french films and sort out my life [read: make an unnecessary livejournal post]. In two weeks i am meant to be handing in an application to go to America for next year. oof. i'm not too sure about it all, y'know. I mean, i can't even keep myself interested enough in the course i'm doing here, so what good is dragging another year out of it? Although obviously America would be pretty good on most levels. I will be 21 and louis has found us a cadillac to drive around the place in. 

All things considered things are pretty good at the moment. Am prone to bursts of horrible paranoia which i seem to insist on telling everyone about so that they don't think i am insane. which is getting long. I kind of wish i could go home for a week or so just to calm down a little bit, but i'm sure it's all just hormonal so lets just forget about that.

I have two essays in this week. One on Brigitte Bardot and one on chinese cinema. I probably couldn't of picked a more wanky course, of course that doesn't matter because i am learning lots of new things i can inevitably pass on to  small child so i won't complain.

Living in Bow is very nice. It's good everyone in the house gets on so well, i'll miss it all next year, i'm sure. Last week i had a reading week where i did nothing much but watch films. Went to the ICA to see this necessary but awful film which was probably about how shit everything is. to make a change. Saw some cows get electrocuted and all that kind of shit. easssaa. I also saw juno, which was pretty boring. Koyaanisquatsi was obviously very great and the beat that my heart skipped was good too. boring.

i'm writing some reviews for some shit music which is obviously awful but fine at the same time. lots of gigs coming up next week, thank god. i haven't seen becky in time and that is our thing to do, so it's all great.

I have a lecture on Godard in ten minutes. I hate Godard. Probably for the same reason i hate led zepplin. y'know? of course not, but whatever.
Current Location: the strand

10/7/07 11:32 pm - REALLY

God Speed, You.!, Really.

Current Location: east
Current Music: GodSpeed!

9/7/07 04:16 pm

BORED

8/17/07 11:09 am - theres no invincible disguise that lasts all day


I'm older now.

Current Location: bow

6/23/07 11:25 pm

So i've moved out of finchely road and into the new house. Technically we're not paying rent yet (the downside being that the house is falling apart too much to go too insane on it's ass) and the plus side is that we already have keys. I've come home for the night, just because... well.... to be honest, it's where all my computer games are. And tomorrow i'm going to Bow to try and get a job in a bar somewhere so that i can do this internship thing and still pay rent. Today i finally got around to sending off my student loan form and applied for another overdraft and a credit card with HSBC. Obviously i'm far too late with both of those things but never mind.

On Monday i'm going to my sister's graduation in Durham with my nan and my mum until Wednesday and from then on it's work, looking for paid work and squatting in Bow. but right now, i'm going to play Brokensword (the shadow of the templars), just to remind myself how cool i am.

Current Location: swanley
Current Music: hella- better get a broom!
Current Mood: restless

6/14/07 12:08 pm - wasted state of mind

So i've got an internship with this ( http://www.nile-on.com/ )company as a Music PR Assistant. VERY exciting, but we'll see. I'm moving into a new house in Bow on the 1st July aswell. Back to the roots, etc. (House party going down for one and all). Turning 20 soon... pah! Considering deleting all of my myspace/facebook/last.fm/flickr/life, but no, obviously.
Current Location: 215d
Current Music: ... and you will know us

5/23/07 07:51 pm - running, returning

I went to ATP. It was the best thing i have been to in all my life.

Highlights: Patti Smith , falling asleep on the beach, Akron/Family, being re-united with freaks and geeks and walking into an Irish Themed pub in the middle of butlins only to hear Godspeed you! being played.

Lowlights: Architecture in Helsinki, but whatever, really.




Things are as good as ever with Harry and i am two clicks of a mouse away from getting another student overdraft with HSBC. This summer is going to be super cool and paid for by a bank. A-C-E!

5/11/07 09:06 pm - i'm dying on the inside

I'm going to ATP! i woke up this morning and put it all on my card, which is most probably the worst plan i've ever had (i owe far much more money than i've ever had myself), but really, what else was i supposed to do. Fantastically it is me owen and becky going, weirdly, matty asked for the last ticket but it should be pretty jokes. Obviously on top of that i don't have a job anymore, i ran away from wetherspoons and all their disgusting men.

I got some photos developed today from the beginning of university. Proper jokes, i think we've all aged about ten years.

I came home last night, it was my nan's birthday and me and my mum took her to Joe Allens. Drank a bit too much wine and came home, watched a double bill of Peter Andre and Jordan's reality TV programme, met matt for an hour in the park with my dog, smoked some pot and talked; which was lovely, and came home to bed. Today i took my nan shopping and bought a printer and some earrings. i really need to stop spending money i don't have!

Tonight i am about to go to gen's house to smoke fags and watch CSI. AND becky just emailed me the new life without buildings live album, on top of that!... theres a plan being formed to get a collective of old faces up at max, laurence and claire's in glasgow for a week in june. And despite the intense paranoia i feel about my life right now, i'm quite sure that this is making me very, very happy.
Current Location: home
Current Music: daisy chainsaw
Current Mood: restless

5/2/07 05:34 pm - i need your love, so fuck you all

I've been listening to 'come undone' by robbie williams far too much recently to deserve any respect as a human being. Other than that i spent last night laying around on Hampstead Heath with a chinese take away, some deer, weird birds in cages and somebody that i love very much. disgusting, Whatever! Despite the conspicuous-looking, lone rambling men it is the most isolated area i've seen in all of London... very much appreciated! Have been bitten by some kind of devil-ant thing on my arm, however... not very much appreciated.
In other news, i went to Give It A Name festival (yeah thats right), i saw Mindless Self Indulgence, the used, fightstar, alexisonfire and kill hannah! very fun. was sniffing poppers in the mosh pit for mindless self indulgence which was probably the best idea i've had in the last couple of days. Also saw the Blow at the luminare on monday she danced alone onstage for an hour and a bit, sang a couple of songs and talked a lot. a bit boring overall if i'm honest, but y'know, thats fine, her songs are nice. She was playing instead of les georges leningrad at durr straight after too. les georges leningrad have split up, or so i hear, which is a shame; I really wanted to see them again. 

I'm procrastinating again and making playlists to get high to, living in desperate excitement at the thought of how high it is possible for one person to get after a week of detoxing. (there is probably something wrong with that). This month i still live in hope that someone, somewhere will buy me and becky tickets for ATP vs the fans, but i think the likely hood of that is looking increasingly slim. Going to see blonde redhead soon though, which will obviously be great.

Current Location: the usual suspect
Current Music: boredoms
Current Mood: tired

4/24/07 11:51 am - i saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness


All they ever really do is spoon, it's pretty cute.

I have four essays to write for next monday (which are most probably going to kill me) and then after that all thats left is summer.
Current Music: the american analog set
Current Mood: good
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