Log in


Recent Entries

3/16/09 09:05 pm - mem or ry

last year a friend of mine from my course killed himself, i don't know it was how it happened but i think so. The english department at my university have sent an email out to people attached to the department, and they say they have set up a yearly Cosmo Davenport-Heines poetry prize,, that's his name. writing about memory as cross boards as light reflecting objects on paper with crayons and coloured glitter pens made from the reflections of bears. i never understood physics as much as i think i'd like to. my mud memory takes me home to an old wheelbarrow. i'm going to write something, anyway, because i think that feeling lost in despair is what did it.

i'm reading much and seperating myself from interactions at the moment. i mostly want some fairy lights, either curtain or pretty, sparkly ones. also a printer and some cartridges so i can read essays on paper, they also sound better like that. i've pretty much been listening to nina simone on repeat recently, i live with someone called lucy who is nice, we live next door in our bedrooms, i like that. my work is going well with sapna, understanding her is so imperfect for me, in the best way, i hate that i am made here, now. , i know what i am passionate about now, i just need how to learn to put myself into words and speak.

10/20/08 08:32 pm

So, my final year of university is in full swing, i have a very small cat, she is so great and sleeping on my feet like a ball. My work is going well, i get to attend two classes for PhD film studies a week.- pretty excited but not really too sure what i'm meant to be doing/ i definately should be prioritising my actual degree at the minute.

I have also gone out and bought myself some boots, i've wanted some for ages but am terrified of shoe shops. but last week my shoes fell apart so i decided to brave it, they are nice, they have a heel which means that i might stop walking flat footed, they are waterproof and i can wear them horse riding when i go to visit my sister in exeter which is nothing but good news.

I am booked for Christmas ATP and me and Harry are going to visit Clem in Portugal in reading week which will be so great. nice happy times to look forward to and i am real happy

9/9/08 10:49 am - hell knows

i keep saying god instead of good. read from that what you will. i was stalking this girl on facebook who i don't see anymore who used to live around the corner from me and we used to go rollerblading around the place together and once we set some of her guinea pigs free on the green. but now unfortunately i fear she has broken up with her girlfriend and every so often i check her facebook to check she's okay but obviously facebook isn't going to tell me anything, is it. that would involve being involved in the real world alison, wouldn't it. anyway, due to my over excessive nosey brain cells i found out 'their song' was machines by biffy clyro.  i would be the most depressed person in the world if i associated songs to real situations.

harry has gone to pick up a cat from stepney green which is going to be the new resident of the house i live in. I am so excited! It is the smallest little cat i have ever seen

9/7/08 10:45 pm

i've moved bedrooms from the garden side to the front and i can hear everything thats happening outside because i mainly stay up late when i'm at home and our windows are really old and rickety and never shut properly so the sound travels. obviously the downside is that it's always cold and i especially notice it now when there is no one else home because i find that the most distracting. i'm so happy it's really comforting even when i'm really sad and worried, mainly.

i am working as a support worker for a lady who makes documentaries and has cerebral palsy and it's the best job i've ever had, i really enjoy it

i used to really enjoy livejournal and writing and diaries and now i don't and it's not the same which is odd most probably because it's really bleak and white. i went to the rhythm factory last night for the first time and i'm pretty sure i enjoyed myself with the dancing and i vaguely remember sharing crisps with the lady who worked at the bar and talking to people about sad things with cigarettes outside then going inside and dancing again and it was one of those moments when sad things seem like they can never really be that sad and the fact that i can link the talking together with cigarette smoke means that maybe forcing people outside of clubs is a good idea because it means that at least for a while everything can not be so loud and you can remember that people make noises too.

i'm also working for a social research company, mainly because they pay one hundred pounds a day to walk around some streets asking people questions. This time i'm working in west ham which is nice because i can walk to my nan's flat and have jacket potato and tea.

8/16/08 02:13 am - lol


4/19/08 05:34 pm - complexes/i-issues aside

I have only ever  deleted one person from any kind of social networking site, and that was only because i was too embarassed to remain their friend. I have been spending too much time on the internet since, well, since i can remember and i would really like it if my internet concentration of friends existed within a precise happy bubble through which i can live out my social life whilst maintaining a career as a dog walker and sweet maker in Iran where i will also save the world. I have only ever fallen out with one person before, isn't that great? (thanks) and that is only because i was a lazy and disinterested 15 year old who refused to watch some disabled people play tennis. I don't know why i should have to justify myself for that really, although obviously i'm sure her reasoning was probably the amalgimation of my disregard for constant social contact and my loner-ish computer game tendancies. Mainly though i would like to be friends with the whole world. God, Brigitte Bardot is a racist bigot, blahblahblah nazisnazisnazis, since when was this new information? She is clearly the face of 1960s France's white superiority complex and we should all burn her to death on a pole. i am liking heather mills more and more every day though, so i probably hate myself too.

4/3/08 01:36 am

rooshky mooshky, one of my gerbils died two weeks ago and jeff; the other one, bit half its arm off and now i think that death is a lot easier to deal with. i am listening to music and doing pointless things on my computer like send off my CV to jobs i don't think i'll ever get. i am also fooling myself into debt beyond my wildest dreams. everything is splendid though, even though my ticket to dashboard fell through at the last minute. i watched funny games for lolz instead and it was pretty awful for the emotions but great for the angsty brain. i watched faster pussy cat kill kill last night which i've been meaning to watch for a while, a bit like soft porn but i'm sure it had its reasons.

now i seem to be denying myself sleep after spending almost the entire day playing world of war craft

3/13/08 12:40 am


3/11/08 12:11 pm - It's just the way the city smells

gales? who thought that shit up? am currently very cold and still haven't managed to leave the house, which is getting me quite twitchy. totally fine though as it's warmer here and i have lots of things and people to play with. everything has got colder in the last couple of months and i totally don't mean that in a 14 year old alison kind of way, even though hundred reasons is my most played on last.fm this week. i weigh 58 kilos now so the blubber i've put on in the last couple of months should be keeping me warm but oh no, it's not.

i got myself a passport the other day which is great, even if i can't afford to use it. Next week is my last week at university and then i'm going to have to get a job. boo.

3/10/08 02:28 pm - wine order

my weekdays generally seem to consist of not going to university, playing world of war craft and music. The highlight being Thursday night where i watch grand designs and then gordon's kitchen nightmares.This isn't normal for a 20 year old. ay. I need to get out with my life, i am in a comfortable rut, probably. Tonight i am taking my mum and my sister to see the King's symphony orchestra where i will inevitably be a little pissed and make out that my life is very eventful and progressive. can your life even be progressive? oh of course it can. hm, i went to maximum black festival, which was great. Steven O'maley is a bit too doom drone for myself to ever be able to say i enjoyed it, but what can you do. Alexander Tucker should've played his solo stuff, ah well, you either like it or you don't i guess. blada bldadala blah.

Powered by LiveJournal.com